You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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