If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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