just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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