I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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