I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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