it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
