his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
