I heard we made out
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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