does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
