i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
