well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you would pick up someone in the library
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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