THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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