Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
