u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
