Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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