normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
