hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize