That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
