i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
