we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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