Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
