he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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