Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
