we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
