You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
