Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
