nut hugger
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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