i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
