I wish I could punch you in the face.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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