it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
