my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
