oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
