I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
