my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
