The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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