Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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