I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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