Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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