Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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