Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize