I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
