can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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