I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
