I must be too annoying 4 u.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My life is pants optional.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
