Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
