So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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