i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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