"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
my poor anus
there is puke in my bra ... again
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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