Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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