you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
