I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
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