i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
