How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
