Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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