we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
