lets start a swedish sibling band together
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
