the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
