FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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