Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You ruined the universe
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
