I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
