Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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