opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
