I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize