Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
