I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
