dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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