I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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