Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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