I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
They have beer where we have blood.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
