And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So vagazzling was a success
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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