Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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