How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
