It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I touched a dick in church today
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
