I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dick very happy bro
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
