I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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