Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
